I'm Not Dead Yet
by TheGoodGirlMasquerade
Summary: You all knew it would happen at some point. SnAp and I have started to kill off Twilight characters... Just laugh with us. A twisted sense of humor and boredom result in many one-shots by MangoTango450 and SnappleApple450. Welcome to our insane asylum!
1. Imaginative Edward

**MangoTango450: Oh its ON SNAP!**

**Need to Know or You'll be lost like that sewing needle: In Midnight Sun Edward has thoughts on killing Bella, so this is based off that.**

**Favourite Word!: "I could"**

**Disclaimer:I don't own anything!**

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**The "E" In Edward Stands For Evil!**

**(Edwards POV.)**

Miss Swan sat beside me and I couldn't help but imagined all the different ways of Killing her.

I thought about how I could kill everyone in this room before they even knew it,

I could snap their necks and Suck them of all of their Blood in less then a minute and they took no notice,

I could look into their terror stricken eyes and laugh an a evil terrible laugh and when I was done with dinner I would go for dessert,

I could already imagine Miss Swan shaking with terror in a corner of the room,

big brown eyes wide and glazed,

I would chuckle and advance slowly (just to play with her),

then I'd crouch down and stroke her beautiful face before sinking my fangs in her neck, sucking her till nothing was left...

**RING RING RING!!!**

I snapped out of my fantasies when I heard the bell, Starting to get up I noticed that I was crouching then I saw and smelled the room.

Oh Shit...

Edward walked out of the class room whistling.


	2. I Can Handle It

**SnAp's story time! Enjoy!**

**need to know: New Moon, third person pov, Jacob and Bella moment**

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I Can Handle It

"Okay Bella. Do you remember where everything is?" Jacob asked for the fifth time. He sounded as nervous as the Edward hallucinations.

"Yes, Jake! I've got everything memorized." Bella was eager to get going.

Jacob hesitated. "I don't know about this. I've never worked on motercycles before. Dirt bikes, sure......motorcycles, no. I just _know_ that black screw wasn't an extra piece...."

Bella placed her hand on his shoulder. "I have faith in you, Jacob." She told him solemly.

Jacob smiled before kickstarting the bike. "Alright, go for it!"

Bella shot forward like a rocket. She went a ways before she wanted to stop. She squeezed the hand brake, but nothing happened. She squeezed even harder, not quite panicking yet, and suddenly the whole handle fell off.

................

"Ohhh, so _that's_ where the screw went...." Jacob said, flicking the screw in the air and catching it.


	3. Drop Dead

**Message to RunEdwardRun:*Giggles* Yeah we are soooo going to get you because you wrote such a bad review*Heavy Sarcasm***

**We are just killing characters.**

**MangoTango450 has written this...Not SnAp ;-p**

**Need to Know or You'll be lost like that Roll of Tape: This happens while Bella is on the cliff getting ready to jump in New Moon.**

**Favourite Word!: Edward and Towards!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything and am Proud of it! Not...**

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**Drop Dead**

**(Third POV.)**

Bella slowly walked towards the edge of the cliff, enjoying Edwards voice screaming into her ear, telling her to turn around, but she didn't she kept walking.

_Edward ran as fast as he could trying to stop Bella, he tried Yelling her name, but it seemed to just make her walk faster._

At the edge of the cliff Bella looked down, wind blowing through her hair, she thought Edwards Voice was getting more real, smiling she started to step off.

_Edward yelled her name this again and again telling her not to jump._

Bella couldn't help but turn around to see the hallucination before she jumps, but what she saw was Edward running towards her, she smiled and opened her arms stepping away from the cliff.

_Edward saw her step away from the edge of the cliff and sighed "She is safe" Edward thought. But Edward realized he was still running towards her._

Bella started to look worried...Edward was running pretty fast.

**Edward barreled into Bella and they Fell off the cliff...**

**Third Guy: Well that's ironic....**

(Alternate ending.

A giant oil rig leaked so there is oil in the ocean)

**Third Guy: *having a smoke and accidentally drops a match in the water* Oh shit...**

_Edward barrels into Bella causing both to fall to their doom..._

**Third Guy: Uh...*Walks away whistling Ring of Fire*.**


	4. Bus, BUS, BUUUUUSSSSSSS!

**SnAp's story time again! Who do you guyz like better? No no! Don't answer that. I don't want a war between us. Competition is not good with us.......**

**need to know: Eclipse, third person pov, Cullen, Bella, Jessica, and _Lauren_ moment *muahahahahaha***

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Bus, BUS, BUUUUUSSSSS!!!!!!!!

The final bell rang, signaling the end of school.

"Where's Emmett?" Bella asked as she and Edward made their way to the parking lot.

"I'm not sure. He left after lunch and never came back." Edward answered her while searching for him through the minds of the kids.

Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie caught up to them at the edge of the building. They looked around for Emmett and the Volvo; neither being found.

"Wait......here he comes." Alice faced the east end of the school lot. Suddenly a big yellow bus came barrelling towards them. Edward stood protectively in front of Bella and Jasper did the same with Alice. No one was paying attention to an oblivious Jessica crossing the street. Emmett stopped the bus right behind her; he was sitting in the driver's seat, smiling.

Rosalie was impatient. "C'mon! Open up!" She banged on the bus door.

Emmett looked down at the buttons. Finally deciding on one, he pushed it releasing the brakes. They heard an ear-piercing scream come from the front of the bus. "Wrong one....." Edward muttered. Bella gasped, covering her gaping mouth. Emmett looked down at the buttons again. A hissing noise sounded as the door folded open.

"Got it......" He beamed proudly.

Everyone loaded into the bus, too afraid to look at the front.

"I'll just.......back up......" Emmett said, closing the doors again. Edward showed him the right button. He put the bus in reverse and started to back up.

"She might be okay. I mean, we probably just nudged her, right?" Bella tried to reason with reality.

Suddenly they heard another short scream and a bump. Bella turned to Emmett with a death glare.

He gave a weak smile. "Oops?"

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**The second bump was Lauren in case you didn't guess......**

**Short behind the scene: The Title.  
Sue, a person not worth talking explaining, was sitting in my mom's Suburban. My mom drove like a maniac in that thing. (past tense: drove. we've got a minivan now. :/ soccer mom.....) Well, one day we were turning onto our street and a bus was coming. Sue didn't know the bus had a stop sign so when she saw a bus coming and my mom not stopping, she screamed (while holding tightly to her seat) "Bus, BUS, BUUUUUSSSSS!!!!!!!!" We all laughed our freaking asses off! Poor poor embarrassed Sue.....**

**Review pleez. Thank you, two reviewing fans. (you know who you are.)**


	5. Leap Frog

**SnAp's story time FINALLY!!!!!! Mango has writer blocking procrastination so it looks like you will see a lot more of me. Raise your hand if you're happy!**

**Need to know: Emmett/Alice, whenever, physical/mental pain (no killing this time), Alice's pov ****unless stated otherwise**

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Leap Frog

"Emmett!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

How could he do this?! Jasper was standing beside me in shock.

I glared at him. "Why aren't you calming me?" I snapped.

I felt bad for Jasper because until Emmett got here, he was my outlet for anger.

He smiled in understanding. "Why should I calm you down? Emmett deserves all of your fury. I'm only here to watch."

Emmett came bounding down the stairs with his dimpled grin; Rosalie followed behind him. "Hey Alice! How's it go-ohhh." He saw my glare.

Rosalie moved into the room to get a better look. She gasped when she saw it. Who _couldn't_ see it?! Emmett had spray painted on the window. He had a stick figure with a black pixie-haired cut. I assume it was me.

"Are they playing leap frogs?" Bella asked from her position on the couch.

"That's not leap frogs......" Rosalie mumbled.

I looked closer at the picture. "Oh my g-**OH MY GOD!!!!!! IS THAT MIKE?!?!**" I screamed.

Emmett backed away towards the door.

"Oh no you don't. Get back here!" I lunged at him.

third person pov

Alice chased after Emmett, leaving the others looking worried.

"Do you think he'll be o-"

Suddenly they heard a deep long cry of pain come from Emmett.

"-kay?" Bella finished her sentence nervously.

They waited silently for Alice's return. Bella counted to fifty before the door opened slightly.

Emmett poked his head in. "The owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on." **(for Patrick Star lovers! I had to do it!)**

Edward was laughing about something. Finally, Emmett brought his whole body inside. Bella almost feinted when she saw him carrying his dislocated arm. Alice had ripped his entire arm off! He came in and sat on the chair, trying to reattach his arm.

"Emmett! Put your face back on!" Jasper cried, jokingly.

"Shut up, Jasper. I already fixed my face. It's this arm that won't cooperate," he mumbled, focused on the arm.

Alice walked in looking satisfied.

"Where have you been?" Rosalie asked.

She didn't answer so Edward complied. "She decided to go ahead and teach Mike a lesson too. She didn't want him getting any ideas. We won't be seeing him for a couple weeks.....or months." Edward laughed.

Alice passed Emmett where he sat cowering in his seat. "Be glad I didn't have any matches." She threatened, before leaving to get the window cleaner.

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**Reviews=happiness and faster updates**


	6. Food Network

**Me again! Mango sucks. She won't kill anyone. Not even my Andre for my other story. :P**

**Need to know: Edward & Bella, whenever, 3rd pov**

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Food Network

"Wow, Edward. I didn't know you could cook." Bella admired all the food in front of her.

He smiled proudly. "Yeah, Food Network! These two guys were great teachers. They write everything out on their blue paper. So come on, eat!"

Bella picked up her fork as Edward placed the first plate in front of her.

Her smile faltered. "Uh Edward? ......This is peas in a can."

He beamed. "Uh-huh?"

She pushed the can around the plate. "You're supposed to take the food out before serving it."

Edward's face went blank as he shook the can. "Ohhh, the food is _in_ the can."

Bella laughed lightly. "That's okay. What else do we have here?"

Edward gave her another plate. "I call this, chicken casserole."

Bella eyed the food. "Looks normal enough." She mumbled, taking a bite. It tasted fine at first, but it soon gained a questionable flavor. "How long did you cook it?" She asked, swallowing the lump of food.

Edward looked deep in thought. "I put it in the oven.......set it for 350, then took it out when the beeper went off."

Bella nodded, getting light-headed. "And uh, did you put any mushrooms in it?"

Edward smiled again. "Yeah, can you taste them? Emmett helped with getting them. How convenient that we didn't even have to go to the store? They were just growing out back. Oh, and wait till dessert. We tried this recipe that the men showed us. It's called the Exploding Jawbreaker. You'll love it. Emmett did."

"Hey Edward, describe these two cooks to me, please." She asked, fading fast.

"Well, one had bright orange hair, and black glasses. He acted like Emmett only with bigger words. And the other, the serious one, had a mustache and a black beret. Have you seen them? I was going to try the microwaved Poodle, but they never finished that one......plus I couldn't find a poodle in time."

Bella was feeling sick from the uncooked meat and poisonous mushrooms, she couldn't even hear Edward's voice anymore. "Oh! Edward, you painted the wall all psychedelic, too! AND THEY'RE MOVING!!! That's nice, Edw--" **THUMP!**

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Does anyone know who the two guyz are? My brother didn't, but Mango did right off the bat. Tell me if you get it or liked it.**


	7. Yep I Killed Her

**WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME SnAp?! Huh?! **

**Disclaimer: I do Not own The Twilight Saga.**

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**Yep She's Dead.**

The Cullen Family were sitting around the living room waiting for Edward to bring Bella back from the Hike they took. Suddenly Alice screamed. The Cullens jumped and asked what was wrong, but Alice just dry sobbed.

Then they all heard the door open and Edwards foot steps echoed through out the house.

Every body except for Alice ran over to him.

"Edward Wheres Bella?" Esme asked.

"Uhhh...I ate her" Edward answered.

Every Body stared at Edward in shock.

"Y-You killed her?" Emmett asked.

"Yep she's dead, I couldn't take it any more, not when she throws herself at me like she does" Edward Shrugged.

"......."

"Oh okay, but I just want to warn you know, Alice is going to murder you" Emmett said before going back to the couch.

Every body shrugged and went back to the Living room.


	8. Mary 'Jane' Shoes

**God, Mango. Write some more will ya? My turn again! Mine is also short.....**

**Need to know: New Moon, in Volterra being led to the underground place, Edward, Bella, Alice.**

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Mary 'Jane' Shoes

"It's alright, Bella," Edward said in a low voice. "Alice will catch you."

Bella eyed the hole doubtfully. She crouched down, swinging her legs into the narrow gap. "Alice?" she whispered, voice trembling.

"I'm right here, Bella," she reassured her.

Edward took Bella's wrists and lowered her into the blackness.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Drop her," Alice called.

Edward let her go.

"OMIGOD, Jane! Where did you get those shoes?! I love th---"

**SMACK!**

"Uh.....okay, do it again. I wasn't ready!" Alice yelled up to Edward.

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**Sorry it's so short. I don't have time for longer ones right now. The next one will be longer, I promise. Review!**


	9. Evil Duct Tape Strikes Again!

***Flips Jenn the bird* F you Jenn ;-) Okay now to say something funny...Banana! **

**Warning: Mature Language.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! **

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Evil Duct Tape Strikes Again! (Edward POV.)

Where am I?

What the...

Am I...

Duct Taped to a chair?

Mother fucker, I'm Duct Taped to a chair!

Why Does this keep happening to me?!

Wait, is that a light? Its getting closer, where the fuck am I?

Who the fuck would do this to me?!

Okay... Bad question... Maybe it was Alice? I had took my credit card away from her...

Or Emmett, I had let Bella eat the last cookie and he got mad -I have no idea why, because he doesn't even eat-, or maybe it wa- Is that light getting closer?!

Huh...Train tracks...

Wait a minute, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE!

This Duct Tape is Pink!!!

IT HAD TO BE ROSALIE! Okay this is what happened, Rosalie was a Russian spy, she got turned into a vampire and did what we all would do, Hunt Vampires, she joined a coven and went under cover at our house, but when her next hit list victim turned out to be me, she couldn't kill me, so she had her husband Emmett do the dirty work and that's why the Duct Tape is pink!

But what I don't get is why I'm Duct Taped to a chair on train tracks? It just doesn't add up! Mayb- Phooooooooooooooooooo Dooooooooooooooooooo!!!- Shit...

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**END**


	10. To The Center of a Tootsie Pop

**Mango and I both came up with this idea together, but I'm writing it. ;)**

**Things to know: Around New Moon/Eclipse, third pov, one person dies. Enjoy!**

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How Many Licks Does it Take to Get to the Center of a Tootsie Pop?

"........Poke................poke poke...............poke.....poke poke poke...........poke poke........poke...........poke poke..............p---"

"**What the hell is your problem?!" **Embry yelled at Bella, shaking with fury.

Bella withdrew her straw with a smile. "I'm poking you, obviously." The 'duh' was implied.

Embry glared at her with pure hatred, sitting back down to finish the game. "I'm trying to watch the game. I missed it yesterday. I've been careful not to listen to any of the other guys so I don't know who wins yet." He explained to Bella.

"....................poke."

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"**Embry exploded into a wolf with gray fur and dark spots on his back. Bella stepped away from the rubble around him.

"Yes!" She power punched the air. "Fourteen pokes to get to the middle! Whoo! Wait," she paused, recounting the number of pokes. "Would you count that thirteenth one? You kinda interrupted me there." She asked the wolf beside her.

He didn't respond, taking deep breathes to calm himself. Bella pulled out a handheld notebook and wrote down a number. "We'll just count it..." She mumbled, walking out of the room. "Oh by the way, go Mariners! Whoo!" She called over her shoulder.

--

"Poke.......poke poke poke...............poke poke........poke poke poke poke...........poke.......poke poke........poke poke............poke.......poke...." Bella continually poked Paul. "Why won't you phase?" She whined.

Paul looked down at Bella with a serene grin from his Vrksasana (tree pose). "I've been taking yoga classes. I have learned to harness my anger and control it. What once dominated my life, will dominate no longer." He said very calm-like, taking in a cleansing breath.

Bella glared at her straw. "It must be broken...." she growled, tossing it behind her. "Now _this_ one will work," she was positive as she took another straw out. "Poke...poke...poke...poke...poke...poke...poke...poke...poke..."

"Just give up, Isabella. I don't get angry over petty things like straws."

Bella stood up walking away. "Stupid mutt. He probably can't even phase....idiot."

**"What did you just say to me?!" **Paul morphed into a dark grey wolf, panting with built-up rage.

Bella's mouth hung open. "Ohhhh....." she looked down at her straw. "De-lay-ed...re-ac-tion..." she spoke slowly as she wrote it down. "Paul...took...twenty-six...pokes." She punched Paul's shoulder. "Thanks man. Hey, good luck with that anger harnessing."

--

"Poke...poke...poke poke...poke poke...poke................poke.....poke.......poke poke poke........poke...."

Jared was tensed and holding his breath. "Bella, please stop." He said calmly.

"But I want to....poke," she poked him again, "you."

"Please, Bella. I beg you to stop that." Jared was starting to shake.

"Aww, but...poking...is so much...poke....fun!" She continued to poke him. "Poke."

**POOF!**

Jared was now a wolf, barring his teeth at Bella. "Oooh sixteen, wow, Jared. So far you're in second behind Embry." She walked away from him to find the next werewolf she could poke.

--

"Leah!" Bella called excitedly.

Leah glared at Bella with her usual hatred.

Bella secretly pulled her straw out, ready to poke her when---

**POOF!**

Bella jumped back, unexpectedly. "Heeeey! I didn't even start yet!" She yelled at Leah.

Leah growled at her menecingly. Bella ran out of the forest towards home before Leah could attack her.

--

Emmett was waiting for Bella on the couch. "How many pokes did it take to get to the center of a werewolf?" He asked.

Bella pulled her notebook out and sat down. "I did Seth first, he took _way_ over a hundred. I lost count."

Emmett laughed. "That dude is too happy."

"Next I did Quil, he took 34 pokes which is understandable because he just got back from Claire's house so he was pretty elated. Embry was easy, he exploded after the fourteenth poke."

Emmett pouted. "Damn, you win with him. I thought he'd be harder."

Bella continued. "Now Paul....you guessed it would take about three pokes, correct?" Emmett nodded. "Well, today was a bad day."

"You mean he morphed in _less_ than three?!"

Bella chuckled. "No. He took two straws and twenty-six pokes." She frowned with Emmett, hoping to have gotten a better reaction from Paul.

"Okay, what about Leah?" Emmett asked, rubbing his hands together excitedly.

Bella stayed silent.

"Come on! 5....7....3?! What was her number?!" Emmett couldn't contain himself.

"Well, Leah doesn't like me too much so....I couldn't even get close enough to poke her before she phased." Bella explained.

Emmett sighed. "Well......I'll just have to try." He said, grabbing Bella's straw and walking outside.

Bella listened at the front door.

"Hey Leah! Po---**AAAAAGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!**" Emmett's screams were cut off by a ripping sound.

Bella moved back to the couch. "I'll put her down for one." She wrote in the book.

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**Hahaha! I loved this one! I hope you like it, Mango!**


	11. Ahh! It's Under the Toilet!

**SnappleApple450's time.**

**Background history: I was on Twitter with some random friends when one of them was stung by a scorpion. Naturally, we all freaked out and started telling her what to do. This story is basically what happened only changing around the characters and certain sequences...and letting my over-dramatic side write the story. Enjoy! ;)**

**Words in _italic_ are what was typed.**

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Ahh! It's Under the Toilet!

Bella had just gotten out of the shower and blow-dryed her hair. Charlie was gone on a fishing trip so she had the whole place to herself. Alone time is bliss. She pulled her laptop out and started talking to her friends that were on-line. While they were debating on how to much they loved Alice, Bella went to the bathroom to get her hairbrush. As she brushed her hair, she felt a sting in her foot. Looking down, she saw a small yellow scorpion with its stinger in her foot. Screaming, she kicked it away and ran to her bed. Her friends completely oblivious to what just happened, they continued talking about how Jessica's secret hidden talent was dancing and Angela's was singing. Bella listened silently to their bickering and laughing as the pain in her foot increased. Finally she typed a single word: _crying_.

That got caring Angela worried. _Why are you crying?_

_A scorpion just sting me!!! It hurts!!! _Bella typed to her.

Angela started freaking out, her first aid kicking in. _O_o creepy! Big pinchers or little pinchers? _She asked remembering that Indiana Jones movie when Mutt was stung.

Bella thought back to the incident. _Idk I just kicked it off, screamed, and ran out of the bathroom._

Jessica, finally noticing the conversation and not herself, freaked out too. _Ahhh! You mean it's still alive?! Where'd it go?!_

Bella laughed at her friends concern, trying to forget the pain. _I don't know where it went. I ran to my room and jumped on my bed. I need someone to kill it, but I'm home alone. =(_

Lauren jumped in on the conversation too. _OMG! That's soooooo nasty! I hate scorpions!_

Bella, unable to ignore the pain, told her friends. _Does anyone know what to do with a scorpion sting? It hurts like a bitch. It feels like it's crawling up my leg. _Bella examined her red foot, worriedly.

_Where is Edward? _Angela was the only one seeing sense in the situation.

Jessica had to put her idea out there. _Call poison control!_

Bella liked the idea of Edward better than calling for help. _He's at his house, but his phone is off. I don't know what to do._

_Poison Control...do they charge? I wouldn't worry about it, Bella. _Lauren convinced her.

Angela's little brother was eavesdropping on her conversation and grabbed his Survival board game. He found the card about scorpion stings and read it aloud. "You should either A) suck the venom out, B) cut you leg off, C) put ice on the sting and call for help, or D) let the aliens abduct you." The light went off above Angela's head as she typed _Google it! _Her brother sad that she didn't listen to him. He wanted to let the aliens abduct Bella.

Bella Googled scorpion pictures while Angela Googled cures. She found out that the stings can be fatal and really started worrying. Bella found a picture that looked like the scorpion and also freaked out. _I should have never Googled it. Now I'm afraid it's an Arizona Bark scorpion._

Suddenly Bella got the idea to call one of Edward's many siblings. Emmett answered his immediately. "Hello?"

"Emmett, where's Edward?" Bella asked.

"He's two feet from me wondering what's wrong." Emmett replied.

"Tell him that I was stung by a scorpi---"

"He's already gone." Emmett laughed. "Hey, I know what to do!"

"You do?" Bella asked nervously.

"Yeah! You can either cut your leg off or go with the aliens. Your choice."

Bella hung on him. Her friends were waiting for a response. _It's okay guyz. Edward is coming._

Jessica sighed. _Aww Prince Edward to the rescue!_

_Tell me if he screams like a girl! _Lauren sneered.

Angela was shocked at Jessica and Lauren. _How can you guyz think about Edward at a time like this?! She could get sick!!!_

Edward suddenly jumped through her window; she pointed to the bathroom and Edward was gone. A few minuted passed and he came back with a smug look. _He killed it. I'm safe. _Bella typed happily. Edward squished it in the bathroom and was now tending to Bella.

Angela was relieved that it was dead, but still worried about Bella. _Ugh you have poison in you. I don't think you're safe... (-_-)_

Edward saw what Angela wrote and also started to worry. _Can Edward drive you to the hospital cuz I really think you should go...like now. _Angela typed.

Bella blew it off as not a big deal. It wasn't hurting much anymore.

Angela started getting angry at Bella's suffer-in-silenceness. _Google says you can be passed out dead before you know it!_

Jessica and Lauren laughed at Angela. _Gawd Ang, what bit you in the butt? A scorpion?_

Edward was looking at her swollen foot growing more concerned by the second. All his medical training went out the window as he watched Bella. _Fine. I'll go to Urgent Care. That's right down the street. I'll tell you guyz about it, but I'm soooo taking my laptop with me._

Everyone was laughing now as Bella typed in the car. _I'm going to look stupid with a laptop in Urgent Care._

Angela laughed. _Just tell them you have friends on Twitter worried about you. They'll understand._

Edward drove super fast with a permanent worry line between his eyes. Bella couldn't help but laugh at him. When they got to place, Bella had to hobble into the lobby; she wouldn't let Edward carry her. Once she was seated in the waiting room, she continued to type to her friends. _Grrr...these old people smell weird and I hate the looks they're giving me and Edward. :(_

Edward was giving dirty looks to the old couple until they'd look away, but their thoughts didn't stop. Suddenly Emmett burst through the doors and ran to Bella's side. "You're okay! Oh thank God!" He cried. The old man glared at Bella even more now. Emmett saw him and walked over. "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!!! SHE NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION!!!" The old man took the lady and left in a huff.

Bella went up to the desk and gave her medical information to the receptionist. The lady just stared at Bella, not believing the limp at all. Emmett grew angry and pulled Bella back. "I'll handle this, Bells." He turned back to the lady a death glare. "SHE GOT STUNG BY A SCORPION, LADY!!! TAKE HER INFO NOW!!!" The lady grabbed it and sent Bella to a room to wait.

Edward took over her computer and assured everyone that Bella was okay. He told them he was going to take her out to eat afterwards and everything would be fine. They all waited for news on Bella, quietly.

Suddenly the doctor came out with a grim expression. "Are you with Isabella Swan?"

Edward stood up. "Is she okay, Doctor?"

"I'm afraid she passed on...I'm so sorry. She waited too long to get help. What irresponsible person would tell her to not get medical help? I don't understand." The doctor left Edward and his family to mourn for their losses.

Edward murderously glared at Bella's computer screen where Lauren had told Bella not to worry about it.

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**Review please. It's an almost true story up until the part where she dies. lol I had to kill her. It was too easy! XD**

**Destynee, please forgive me and just laugh.**


	12. Toilet Part 2

**Hey guyz! I know this is super short, but I wanted to do a part two of the last chapter. I decided (psh, Destynee decided) that a scorpion sting was a lame way for her to die, so I'm killing her...again...only better! Heehee**

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_Suddenly the doctor came out with a grim expression. "Are you with Isabella Swan?" _

_Edward stood up. "Is she okay, Doctor?"_

_"I'm afraid she passed on...I'm so sorry. She waited too long to get help. What irresponsible person would tell her to not get medical help? I don't understand." The doctor left Edward and his family to mourn for their losses._

_Edward murderously glared at Bella's computer screen where Lauren had told Bella not to worry about it._

**Part Two**

Edward was too crushed with sadness that he'd have to put a rain check on killing Lauren. Right now, he merely sat, crumpled in the seat. How was he going to go on without Bella? She was his reason for existing.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault," Alice cried. "I should have seen the scorpion's decision to sting her! I'm sorry!"

"No, it's all my fault," Emmett sighed. "Maybe if I had just opened that bottle of ketchup for her a week ago, she'd still be alive."

"How can you say that?! It's my fault she's dead!" Rosalie screamed. "I put the scorpion in her bathroom in the first place!"

Edward was oblivious to their blaming. He didn't care who killed her, the fact was...she was dead.

"Are you with Isabella Swan?" Another doctor asked.

Jasper stood up. "Yes, we were," he answered sadly.

The doctor stared at the mourning kids, curiously. "What do you mean 'were'? Are you not anymore?"

"Doctor, right now isn't the best time to make jokes about our loss," Jasper scolded angrily.

"What loss?" Bella asked from behind the doctor.

Edward looked up and ran to her side, sweeping her off her feet. "You're alive!"

Bella cocked her head to the side. "Um...yeah, Edward, I am. It was a scorpion sting, not exactly a death trap." She laughed. "They just gave me some liquid benadryl and said I'll be fine......are you okay?"

Edward was elated beyond belief. "I am now." He set her down and turned to the doctor angrily. "Why were we told that she died?"

The doctor backed away nervously. "I-I don't know who told you that."

Suddenly the other doctor walked by and saw the Cullen's with Bella. Emmett recognized him. "That's the guy! Get him!" Emmett made a running jump and landed on top of the guy, grabbing him in a neck hold. "Who are you and how did you _not_ hear Bella's heartbeat?!"

The man was struggling to get free. "Get off of me, man! I'm just an actor!"

Emmett stood up. "An actor?!"

The guy got up, rubbing his neck sorely. "Yeah, I'm practicing my role as a doctor for my next gig. .....Was I believable?" He asked hopefully.

Edward walked over to the guy and punched him, breaking his nose on contact. "Now you can play the patient," he growled walking out of the building with Bella by his side. "I love you, Isabella."

Bella walked ahead of him, smiling. "I lov---" **CRASH!!!!**

Lauren opened her car door and stared at Edward. "Did the scorpion kill her?" She asked hopefully.

* * *

**Bahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I'm sorry Destynee! *laughing* Blame Mango too! XD**

**Please review this one too!**


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